When I See You by Baphelele

When I see you...
I see love, happiness and forever
When you hold me in your arms
Oh God, it's an unspeakable moment
The way you talk to me... 
Like I'm a pair of new shoes
That's how I feel...
But how do you feel?
Cause baby, you see!
Lately, I've been noticing the changes

Yes changes..
And the sad part is that you're the who's changed
You're the one who's phone is always on silent
You're the who's coming home late
You're the one who comes home smelling of women perfumes
Baby it's you. YOU DO THAT!
You're the one who doesn't answer my calls anymore..
You're the one who gets late night calls from "clients"

I hold on to you...
Because I silently pray it's not true...
Even after I caught you in bed with her...
I forgave you because I didn't want lose you...
I forgave you because I thought it was my fault...
I forgave you because you promised me you would change..

You never did...

You still bitch around...
But like the good wife i am..
I shut it.
I got tired of waiting for you to come home.
I got tired of arguing with you.
I let it go...

Though we were bound together by this materialistic object...
You're heart was not with mine...
Hell! You probably lost your heart at the nearest brothel.

I still stuck around!
Surprisingly, I put a wide smile on my face and loved you!
I shouldn't have loved because monsters like you don't deserve love...

Then came the hittings and chokings...
I felt like I deserved every punch thrown to me
I wasn't a good wife...
I couldn't satisfy you..
I guess I believed i deserved it..
serves me right huh?
I remember praying for relief...
I remember you hearing me pray...
I remember you beating the living daylights out of me
I remember...
And that was it...
I drew the line...
I left...

When asked why I hadn't left sooner
I recall telling them that I was still in love with him
I recall saying that I didn't want to be the woman who never fought for husband... Marriage
But it wasn't the marriage that I was fighting.. it was him...

And after months to myself, I realized one thing:
I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the memories we shared and the years we spent together..

That's we do these days.. We fall in love with the idea of being in love rather than being truly in love.